i have a client from miami who puts the word purgatory in party. not only is he lonely and open about it, but he's a raging alcoholic and heavy texter. because there is some kind of racist conspiracy going on at work, I always get the pleasure of picking this buffoon up from the airport. my night goes as follows:

11:33 pm: stumbles off the plane completely tanked
11:45 pm: relieves himself in a vomit bag inside of the waiting room
12:00 am: refers to several people eating outside as squatters
12:30 am: pleads with me to sneak into a men's restroom to smoke pot with him
12:45 am: has become quite fond of sending me several text messages informing me of his ownership over the city of miami (note: "mayor" has been variously misspelled).



Seriously, I think the only thing I can do with this guy is drop him off on a stranger's doorstep right before ringing their doorbell and running.